I am having a terrible time dealing with what happens when we die. Lately, it just seems to be something I keep thinking about. I wish we knew. I wish it was easy...we go here, there...somewhere. We continue to exist. My fears grow every day that we no longer exist and I don't exist...I can't imagine it no matter how hard I try.
I can't imagine not existing. I can't imagine being no longer my soul, if that makes sense.
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Research IT!
Yes, the IT is all caps-- if you have a problem, stop reading right now. I use all caps sometimes.
Lol, that was a remark geared to someone that thought a comment I left on a support group was rude because I capped a few words, not even in order. I put all caps on a few words (separated by other words) in a comment in regards to chemotherapy. I was trying to highlight some terminology, and it was taken as I was being rude and "yelling". I don't yell in all caps.
I elongate when I really am mad...UUUGGGHHHH!!! (and use exclamation marks!)
I guess this rant is more about the importance of research. Do you have an illness, like cancer? Maybe even leukemia or APL? Here's the thing: Please, for the love of yourself and your life, please oh please research your illness or disease.
Its one thing to join a support group on facebook or on a cancer website, but its another to take what another patient or family member to another patient says as truth. And, from what university did they get their medical degree from? Exactly.
I've seen people asking a support group what C-diff is. ASK your DOCTOR! (Yep, did it on purpose there.) In case you don't know what C-diff is, you have not experienced the outbreak that is the most disgusting side effect to chemo or suppressed immune systems have the pleasure and the curse to have. Yes, look it up. Google and Wikipedia are great.
When someone is told they have cancer...many thoughts go through their heads. For me, I was told in a very cold way and then rushed in an ambulance to another hospital. I was lucky enough to have a nurse explain to me what was happening. The following day, I met lots of doctors. I was bombarded with tons of information and questions and it was very dizzying. By the time my boyfriend brought me my laptop, I had printouts, but I also still wanted to look things up on the interweb myself. I wanted to see other stories, hope for happy endings, read about other experiences like what I was about to embark. I wanted answers and confirmations.
Guess what? I got them. I agreed with everything my doctors told me. I questioned (and still ask questions) when I don't understand something fully. Maybe my inner nerd that loves science and biology really got a chance to shine through and help ease my nerves, but honestly, I can't imagine not asking questions and just saying OKAY (totally not yelling). I also can't imagine asking someone who I don't even know what they do for a living what C. diff is--- that's what the hospital staff is for. That's what your doctor is for. And, when you have a fever and don't feel well, well they do want to know. Do your meds make you puke? Tell them. Don't tell another patient...they can't do anything about that. Tell the magicians who are trying to save your life, because the price of magic is plenty, and some of it isn't necessary. Does Compazine make you feel funny? Tell your oncologist. They can easily write a script for Zofran if you aren't allergic.
Don't rely on others for medical advice-- rely on them for moral support.
I know its been awhile since I posted. I should give an update, but I really needed to get this out.
Thank you.
xoxo
lisa
Lol, that was a remark geared to someone that thought a comment I left on a support group was rude because I capped a few words, not even in order. I put all caps on a few words (separated by other words) in a comment in regards to chemotherapy. I was trying to highlight some terminology, and it was taken as I was being rude and "yelling". I don't yell in all caps.
I elongate when I really am mad...UUUGGGHHHH!!! (and use exclamation marks!)
I guess this rant is more about the importance of research. Do you have an illness, like cancer? Maybe even leukemia or APL? Here's the thing: Please, for the love of yourself and your life, please oh please research your illness or disease.
Its one thing to join a support group on facebook or on a cancer website, but its another to take what another patient or family member to another patient says as truth. And, from what university did they get their medical degree from? Exactly.
I've seen people asking a support group what C-diff is. ASK your DOCTOR! (Yep, did it on purpose there.) In case you don't know what C-diff is, you have not experienced the outbreak that is the most disgusting side effect to chemo or suppressed immune systems have the pleasure and the curse to have. Yes, look it up. Google and Wikipedia are great.
When someone is told they have cancer...many thoughts go through their heads. For me, I was told in a very cold way and then rushed in an ambulance to another hospital. I was lucky enough to have a nurse explain to me what was happening. The following day, I met lots of doctors. I was bombarded with tons of information and questions and it was very dizzying. By the time my boyfriend brought me my laptop, I had printouts, but I also still wanted to look things up on the interweb myself. I wanted to see other stories, hope for happy endings, read about other experiences like what I was about to embark. I wanted answers and confirmations.
Guess what? I got them. I agreed with everything my doctors told me. I questioned (and still ask questions) when I don't understand something fully. Maybe my inner nerd that loves science and biology really got a chance to shine through and help ease my nerves, but honestly, I can't imagine not asking questions and just saying OKAY (totally not yelling). I also can't imagine asking someone who I don't even know what they do for a living what C. diff is--- that's what the hospital staff is for. That's what your doctor is for. And, when you have a fever and don't feel well, well they do want to know. Do your meds make you puke? Tell them. Don't tell another patient...they can't do anything about that. Tell the magicians who are trying to save your life, because the price of magic is plenty, and some of it isn't necessary. Does Compazine make you feel funny? Tell your oncologist. They can easily write a script for Zofran if you aren't allergic.
Don't rely on others for medical advice-- rely on them for moral support.
I know its been awhile since I posted. I should give an update, but I really needed to get this out.
Thank you.
xoxo
lisa
Sunday, September 8, 2013
How to live forever
I watched a documentary yesterday called "How To Live Forever." I'm someone who does not want to die, so this peaked my interest. It made me think, for sure.
Now, I'm on the road to getting healthy, but in February and March, I prayed multiple times a day, asking God to keep me on this Earth a little longer. I was scared. I still am scared. Scared of being ill, scared of living, and even scared of dying.
Its been about 24 hours since I saw How to Live Forever, and I am still thinking about it. They don't have a clear solution to live forever (obviously), but it looks at modern technology, interviews with some of the oldest people and communities in the world, and makes you think. Do I really want to live forever? Seeing how some people age, or more like how they begin to deteriorate (for lack of a better word), I see how someone can get tired with living. I also see how someone 100 years old can still be working and drinking and smoking.
What I took away from this documentary is that if you let your body and mind get sedentary, you will age faster (or die younger). The trick is to keep your mind and body active. Eating healthy and having healthy genes also help, but, hey, I already have a life threatening cancer...lets focus on what I can change!
No, I don't want to live forever. I do, want to grow old, though. I think I have determined I am more scared of the unknown, what happens after you die, not of death itself. I wish we could be guaranteed our souls move on to another place or dimension, but its hard to know what to believe, with so many different religions telling us different things. I know one thing. Each one of us will die. If we all could live forever, there would be a population issue. I enjoyed this thought provoking look and really appreciated the documentary in a way I probably wouldn't have before my diagnosis.
I watched this online as an Amazon Prime member for free. I don't know if its available on Netflix, but completely worth renting!
On a brighter note, I think I will work on my obituary (just in case) this week. Not trying to be morbid, maybe a bit vain.
Have a happy Sunday,
L
Now, I'm on the road to getting healthy, but in February and March, I prayed multiple times a day, asking God to keep me on this Earth a little longer. I was scared. I still am scared. Scared of being ill, scared of living, and even scared of dying.
Its been about 24 hours since I saw How to Live Forever, and I am still thinking about it. They don't have a clear solution to live forever (obviously), but it looks at modern technology, interviews with some of the oldest people and communities in the world, and makes you think. Do I really want to live forever? Seeing how some people age, or more like how they begin to deteriorate (for lack of a better word), I see how someone can get tired with living. I also see how someone 100 years old can still be working and drinking and smoking.
What I took away from this documentary is that if you let your body and mind get sedentary, you will age faster (or die younger). The trick is to keep your mind and body active. Eating healthy and having healthy genes also help, but, hey, I already have a life threatening cancer...lets focus on what I can change!
No, I don't want to live forever. I do, want to grow old, though. I think I have determined I am more scared of the unknown, what happens after you die, not of death itself. I wish we could be guaranteed our souls move on to another place or dimension, but its hard to know what to believe, with so many different religions telling us different things. I know one thing. Each one of us will die. If we all could live forever, there would be a population issue. I enjoyed this thought provoking look and really appreciated the documentary in a way I probably wouldn't have before my diagnosis.
I watched this online as an Amazon Prime member for free. I don't know if its available on Netflix, but completely worth renting!
On a brighter note, I think I will work on my obituary (just in case) this week. Not trying to be morbid, maybe a bit vain.
Have a happy Sunday,
L
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