Tuesday, July 2, 2019

Further Testing Needed, A Constant Reminder

Its been a little over 3 weeks since Frank (my dog) passed away. I still have nightmares about it.
BD said he saw Frank snuggled up with me when I was sleeping yesterday morning, for a split second, but it was his mind wanting to see that (he says).
Last week, I went in for a yearly check-up.  No big deal, pap smear and review mammogram results, etc.  Last year at this time, I was dealing with Shingles, and it was a rough summer, so I remember the timeframes for all my summer checkups now well.
My doctor did the pelvic exam and felt something.  She took off her gloves and said she was ordering an ultrasound.  This is not good.
Of course, the fear, thoughts and memories all come rushing back into my head.  I am told it could be a cyst and to not worry, but please call to schedule my ultrasound right away.
This sucks.  So, of course, I called while in the parking lot as soon as I left her building. 
Yesterday, I had my ultrasound.  It was a very unpleasant experience, but the tech was super nice.  It wasn't fun though. 
I am hoping my doctor calls me with the test results today.  I'm worried.  I'm scared. I'm trying to hold it all in, too.  Work has become second place in my life this summer.  I'm avoiding going to my parents house because as soon as my mom sees my face, she will know I'm worried and "something's up". 
Every bit of gas pain or creek in my body...every ache...I'm wondering if I'm cancer again. 
The mind is super powerful, but its a scary place to be.