Good Morning World! Ugh, I mean Good Afternoon World!

I didn't feel so good this morning, but now I am up and ready to face the day.  Too bad its almost noon, and half the day is gone.
Today was dressing change day.  Once a week, your dressing covering up the central line (in my case a hickman catheter) needs to be cleaned and changed.  The caps at the end of any ports (lumens) also need to be changed.  I flush all my lines daily with a special medicine, Heparin.  I do my dressing change and flush by myself, and I take my time.  I have to prep the area, sanitize and get my shower done first before changing my dressing.  That part of my skin will now be itchy all day, from the adhesive in the dressing and the alcohol cleaning solution to make sure its germ free.

Otherwise, I get more blood work done on Monday.  I am really hoping my ANC is up, at least 1.0.  I feel really good right now, so I'm thinking if I have more energy, hopefully my blood is getting back to normal.  Makes sense, right?

I've been knitting a sweater, and I started right before I went in for this last round of chemo.  Its been a couple weeks, and I am about half done.  Its my first hand knit sweater.  I have made scarves and hats before, but this is a first.  I'm really excited, but trying to take my time to not make any mistakes.

Neutropenic

I've been neutropenic for over a week now.  What is neutropenia?  Its when you have little to none white blood cells, which are your fighters.  Without them, your bodys immune system is suppressed.  For me, this happened as a result of my last round of chemo.  Monday's blood work showed my lowest ANC (absolute neutrophil count) yet, 0.15.  Yesterday, I was up to 0.42.  

This past week, I've been very tired.  I haven't left the house with the exception of blood work/ doctor visits.  I've worn a mask every time I did go out.  My legs get all shaky if I stand for more than ten minutes.  My mind is awake, but my body thinks I'm sleeping, its very weird and hard to explain the feeling.  

When you are neutropenic, you can't eat anything raw.  No fresh fruits (and it's summertime!), all meats and veg need to be thoroughly cooked.  Because of the cancer and chemo, I've been eating mostly soft foods, so I dont scrape up the inside of my mouth too much.  Too much risk of infection.  I also have to watch my temperature and need to get to the ER if I run a fever.

I am hoping and praying my count is at least 1.0 on Monday.  I'm sick and tired of feeling sick and tired.

Tuesday July 23 2013

I had another round of inpatient chemo last week.  Only three days, but the effects are still lasting.  I think I smell different.  I have nausea.  I have diarrhea.  I feel shaky.

I have to do this one more time. 

I can do it.

I want to write more, but I just don't have the energy or want.

Thought

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and be a better person.

Last day of chemo!

Today was my last day of the third round of chemo!  I'm hoping this is it, but my doctor did tell me I might have to do 1 or 2 more rounds.  We shall see!

Last week, I started feeling achy in my shoulder area, in addition to my right hip and the bottoms of my feet.  My local doctor told me he thinks its a side effect from the chemo.  I am hoping he is right.  I get so nervous nowadays, every little thing just makes me think, "Okay, what else?"  My body is very stiff throughout the day, especially in the morning, after waking up.  The hot flashes and night sweats are enough, aren't they?  I am hoping my body starts to normalize soon. 

The nurses at chemo had a cake, cookie bars, and presents for me today to celebrate.  I was getting chemo every weekday for 5 weeks, that's a lot of chemo.  It was really sweet.  I love to crochet, so they gave me some crochet thread and a crochet book.  Very nice and I can't wait to start. 

Next week, I get my 3rd bone marrow biopsy.  I am nervous about it, but the nurses told me to not think...hope...but think gone.  Already gone.  Everything is clear.

Otherwise, I feel really good...except for the stiff shoulder, neck, hip, and feet.  The feet are actually starting to feel better.  I just want my body to return to normal.  Oh please, God, please give me some normal back.  Living is great, and I am thankful for everyday, but the achy shoulders suck when you want to make bread or cookies.