I refer to it (to myself, of course) as when I became a vampire.
Think about it. I was dying. I had maybe two days of life left in me. Then, I was rushed to a big hospital in a major area to be treated. I was given blood or blood products daily. I became very sensitive to light, sound, and my taste buds changed dramatically. My appearance changed, skin became pale and pink, dry, and I lost a ton of weight. Without receiving blood, I would die. My sleep patterns changed. Everything changed. I had dreams of being chased by vampires nightly in that hospital.
Sure, it might be a modern interpretation of an old tale. I'm one who has always been scared of vampires. Even after I realized I was becoming one.
To this day, I still think I am a modern day vampire. The sun and bright light gives me instant headaches. I wear prescription sunglasses even on cloudy days, and sometimes, in stores. My senses are so acute, it drives me and my boyfriend nuts (I almost said Batty, no pun intended). I get dehydrated easily, my blood sugar can fluctuate at odd times. My tastes have changed, I crave more meats than before. I sleep a lot...and take 2 hour naps during the day.
Hey, its 4 am and I am up. I will go back to sleep around 5:30 or so until 7 am.
Even though I don't require blood, I get my blood tested and I still am so concerned about my numbers.
Here is the other thing: I am ridiculously scared of death. I know we will all die. I don't like that, and I am so worried about what happens after you die. I will be faced with that eventuality, and I deal with those feelings and concerns daily, but I don't like it. I want to live so badly, I can't explain it.
I've also become more of an introvert now than ever before. I do speak my mind and possess a different confidence, but in a stand offish kinda way. Does that make sense? I'm not shy to speak my mind, and I'm not looking for friends. I keep to myself.
I thought this would be a happy time, but this week I woke with a sore inside my mouth and again thought the worst. I'm sure it was a cut from eating potato chips with my nieces the day before. Its healing just fine. That first day it was sore and noticeable, I was genuinely scared. I kept it to myself, but it consumed my thoughts that day.
So no, I don't drink blood. I look and feel the scar every day that became the entryway for me to receive my blood and chemo (my port scar). I can't handle sunny days or very light reflective days because my eyes are sensitive from 2 years of Tretenoin pills. My skin is crazy because I have allergies. My nose is sensitive because I lost protective linings in my sinus cavities as a result of chemo. I sleep a lot and at weird times because my body is tired and it gets tired faster now...when I was in chemo I would sleep 18-20 hours/day at times. But, sometimes I sure feel like a vampire, because I am scared to die.
